Who am I to talk about not being a mother when I am one? Well, for the majority of my life (to date), I have not been a mother. And while the topic of being one can be beyond sensitive and tricky to talk about, its importance, and my love for those who it impacts, outweigh the possible backlash for at least reaching for what is sometimes assumed to be “untouchable”.
For many years, I watched close friends get married and have babies. While I wished them the best, I also envied their opportunity. In retrospect, I realize that I had put motherhood on a pedestal. I now know that there are many joys to motherhood worthy of such a pedestal, however… the many sides and components that come with those “joys” are not fully revealed until you are in the role and feeling the intensity. If known to more, I dare say it might make “motherhood” less attractive.
There are varying reasons why a woman may not be a mother. Maybe she wants a special someone to embark on that journey with and she hasn’t met that person yet. Or perhaps she has health obstacles that have made conceiving difficult. Or maybe she just wants to put her energy into something else, feels like “motherhood” is not for her, or it simply hasn’t happened. Whatever the reason, to be a woman is to be celebrated- whether you ever become a mother or not, birth many children, or only one, adopt, or are that favorite auntie ; )
I love being a mother and treasure my family so deeply. However with having the opportunity to experience both sides, I know that many of us have been bamboozled into a romanticized version of this potential phase of womanhood. My journey and it’s resulting perspective has led me to think three things…
1. Make your health the key priority. When we’re healthy, and if we should want to conceive, it makes it happen that much easier. For those people who have tried to conceive and it hasn’t happened, your body is really smart and is saving that precious energy for your body and its vitality.
2. Collect information. If you are not a mother and/or are considering being a mother, talk with those who have walked that path. Even better… talk to those who are willing to talk candidly.
3. And regardless of how the cookie crumbles, love being a woman.
xo, Dr. Danett